Wife, Mom, Daughter, Bestie. Bipolar, Pierced, Green Eyed Girl.
Tattooed, Countrified, Punk Rock Princess.
Does Not Play Well With Others, It Seems Others Have A Problem With Losing.

"Normal people are so hostile..." ~Dexter Morgan



Hi all who read me here…

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Happy Anniversary!

We’ve been married for 3 years now and together for 4…I can’t believe it. But he’s at work and I’m…well, alone…I went to the Tattoo shop to get more cards and hang out, and I know she was busy, so I just felt like I was in the way today. I did my two errands in faxing the papers so we can get insurance from Jason’s employer. I’m home again now.

It feels weird not to be with my hubby today, and it makes me sad. As if I’m not already depressed enough.

Deep Impact

UGH! My husband is making me sit through this God awful movie! It’s so stupid!!! I love some of these actors, like Robert Duvall, but great actors don’t necessarily mean great movie…there has to be a great story and plot too and a great director, and this film lacked in those departments.

Anyway, went to the Dr. yesterday, I’m pissed, she won’t do my disability paperwork. So I’m kinda stuck until I can see an ortho, I can’t see the one I’m already seeing until the end of June…but I am working on trying to get in to see someone else for a second opinion about when I can have the surgery. I spent most of yesterday just in tears, because I was so angry with her. I’m frustrated and I feel no one wants to help me.

I’m bored…I went and looked up barsoomian stuff, I was originally looking for tattoo designs, I want a red man/girl tattoo…I think I’ll design my own…anyway, so then I found a barsoomian name generator, Amanda Britton of Mars would be Dajahthor. lol Kinda ironic since my fave superhero is Thor. hehe :-p I think I may need to read the Princess of Mars Dejah Thoris books!

Keep me in your thoughts and/or prayers…whatever works for you, for this whole thing…I think I need it.

Good day, love…………

I can be so mean when I wanna be, I am capable of really anything…

So I don’t know what, I’m writing about today I just feel like writing, so here goes, free flowing and may not make much sense in the end, but it’s my site, so I really don’t care.

I wrote a pen pal letter to my bestie, Tay, yesterday. I got creative, it was fun, turned into a sort of art project in a way, I need to do one last thing to it and then I gotta take it directly to the post office, I don’t want it going through their smashy machines. Plus I don’t want a regular stamp on it…lol

I am going to work on mom’s paintings, they were what I gave her for xmas, technically, I just never had time to get to them, and I do now, being home, and sitting on the couch is perfect for watercolor painting.

I really miss Christian, they’re off touring Europe, and this is the first spring/summer in 6 years with no Christian…makes me really sad. Not that I could stand at Dante’s or Duke’s in this condition, but still. I’d find myself a seat. Kane is always a therapy session. And I have my Track 29 and Angel ink to show him.

On a Christian related note…sort of…I’ve been watching Hellraiser movies…I love slasher/horror flicks, and they just don’t make ’em like they used to…anyway, so anyone who knows of Hellraiser, which is like anyone over the age of 20, knows Pinhead is the main character…well, in #2 you find out he wasn’t always pinhead, he was human once, and in #3 Hellbound, you actually meet his human side, a Captain in the Army during Vietnam, named Elliot Spencer. Well, if you don’t know anything about Christian, you going how does that relate to him? Well, he was on the show Leverage, and that was his character’s name. In fact I named my Siamese cat after the character. I just thought it was quite an interesting coincidence.

I need new Taylor too….I watched John Carter again last night…I can’t bring myself to watch Savages again, that movies had too much violence(ie: heads cut off) even for me, and oddly I love a good blood bath…so I keep watching John Carter, because they took Battleship off, but it will be back next weekend…lol here is what he has up coming:

And November, for Thor 2, REALLY??? I mean COME ON??? That’s still 6 months away…you’re killin’ me people! I need some new Chris Hemsworth too. Or maybe it’s just him as Thor I need…I dunno, I’m looking forward to Snow White and The Huntsman’s second installment as well, I really enjoyed that movie despite the fact that Kristen Stewart had to redeem herself, I feel she did.
But Waiting for Taylor seems to be killing me more than Chris…lol How did they flip flop…and when??? I dunno, I mean I love Chris Hemsworth, he’s gorgeous and amazing! But there is just something about Taylor Kitsch, that even Christian doesn’t have…and if you know me, you know that speaks VOLUMES!!! That smile that lights up, not just his face but, sets his eyes ablaze, green eyes, like mine…that voice that could stop me dead in my tracks. That body! And then that something else that I can’t put my finger on…he’s just *RAAAAWWWWWRRRRR* hehe I guess he’s my #1 secret boyfriend, as J would say.
Alright enough of that…quick change the subject¬†before I start drooling on my laptop…lol
I’m in a lot of pain again today. I don’t know how I’m tolerating this pain at all anymore…you know I have said for a while that I loved having Kaiser, they were great, and now I feel like I hate them, and they are not great…I’m having a horrible experience with this surgeon.
My grandfather was in the navy in WWII, however, and I have a box chalk full of his things, his discharge papers maybe in there, and if they are my mom and I may actually be able to get that USAA insurance, I see the commercials all the time and I don’t know why it never occurred to me to ask, my mom suggested it, probably because mamaw did… if that is possible I may be able to get better treatment. I would lose my psychiatrist, she’s the only one I care about at Kaiser, but I guess finding a new psych is a small price to pay for seeking better treatment for my hip.
Let me leave you with this today…
“Crystal Ball”
Written & Performed by: P!nk

Drinking wine and thinking bliss, is on the other side of this
I just need a compass and a willing accomplice
All my doubts that fill my head cascading up and down again
Up and down and round again, down and up and down again.

Oh, I’ve had my chances and I’ve taken them all.
Just to end up right back here on the floor.
To end up right back here in on the floor.

Pennies in a well, a million dollars in the fountain of a hotel.
Fortune teller that says maybe you will go to hell.
But I’m not scared at all…hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm

The cracks in the crystal, the cracks in the crystal ball.

Sometimes you think everything is wrapped inside a diamond ring
Love just needs a witness and a little forgiveness
And a halo of patience and a less sporadic pace and
I’m learning to be brave in my beautiful mistakes.

Oh I’ve felt that fire and I’ve been burned
But I wouldn’t trade the pain for what I’ve learned
I wouldn’t trade the pain for what I’ve learned.

Pennies in a well, a million dollars in the fountain of a hotel.
Fortune teller that says maybe you will go to hell.
But I’m not scared at all…hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm

Of the cracks in the crystal, the cracks in the crystal ball.

Irony, irony, this hate and love, hate and love
What it does to me, what it’s done to me.
What is done…done

Pennies in a well, a million dollars in the fountain of a hotel.
Broken mirrors and a black cats cold stare,
Walk under ladders on my way to hell, I’ll meet you there.

But I’m not scared at all, hmm…I’m not scared at all.

Of the cracks in the crystal, the cracks in the crystal ball



Good day, Love…………..

I don’t know if I can yell any louder…

I’m broken, literally, my body, and figuratively, my spirit. I haven’t moved all day from this spot on the couch except to get food/water and to pee, it hurts so much. I have to call my supervisor tomorrow with an update, I don’t know what I’m supposed to tell her.

All I can say is how bad the pain is, and that I’m using crutches to get around now, that no one will give me any real pain medication, only anti-inflammatory, but will she believe me? That’s the issue with a disability no one can see. Other than the limp I had forever…now though that limp is something far worse, a hobble at best, in desperate need of my crutches.

I’ve got a migraine right now, I don’t know what caused it, I think it might be because of how much pain I’ve been in I get tense so then that causes the headache. I wish I had someone here to help me during the day…like when I had to go somewhere…or even to keep me company…I’m getting so effing board…

I feel like this right now…I’m in a funk again, because of all of this, that’s why I keep crying.

“Glitter In The Air”
Written and Performed by: P!nk

Have you ever fed a lover with just your hands?
Closed your eyes and trusted, just trusted?
Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, “I just don’t care”?

It’s only half past the point of no return
The tip of the iceberg
The sun before the burn
The thunder before the lightning
The breath before the phrase
Have you ever felt this way?

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
You’re whole life waiting on the ring to prove you’re not alone
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

It’s only half past the point of oblivion
The hourglass on the table
The walk before the run
The breath before the kiss
And the fear before the flames
Have you ever felt this way?

La La La La La La La La

There you are, sitting in the garden
Clutching my coffee,
Calling me sugar
You called me sugar

Have you ever wished for an endless night?
Lassoed the moon and the stars and pulled that rope tight?
Have you ever held your breath and asked yourself will it ever get better than tonight?

I still don’t feel any better, but tomorrow is a new day, so maybe I will then…